2012 in Review

The sun has set on 2012 so in the tradition of every news organization, radio station, periodical and facebooker I will now post my year end list. Here are my top 5 things I am grateful for from 2012.

1. I had my very first (and probably only) art show. It was called 'Evolve: the turning of a chapter.' I don't know how good it was but it for me it was a challenge I thought I’d never rise too.

2. I turned 30! Finally! I've been waiting to be 30 since I was 16, seriously. Maybe I’m a Louie the Late Bloomer or maybe I’m fully bloomed but just don't realize it yet but I’ve always know the 20s wasn't where it's was going to be at for me. I grew up an old soul and lately it's like I get to be a child again, something about the distance I have come and the things I have survived have allowed me to find that childlike wonder from so very long ago.

3. Tejas. I've been teaching yoga for a while but I decided I was ready to go back to school so I re-did my 200 hour certification at Tejas Yoga in the South Loop of Chicago. Trekking down to Chicago almost every weekend of 2012 could get tiresome but I have found 2 amazing teachers and the type of yoga Community I have been searching for as well as trying to create.

4. I found a home! I spent a lot of 2012, and I do mean A LOT, without a home. I wasn't homeless by any means but I surely wasn't in a place of my own nor was there any feeling of being settled in the various places I was living. Yes there were a few different places. So now I have a wonderful little house that I’m happily renting with a big back yard, a white picket fence, a mud room, and an attic bedroom. It suits me and my dog just perfectly.

5. I have hope. See hope and I have a fickle relationship. I've spent the past few years approaching New Year's Eve thinking "Thank God that year is over, next year has got to be better!" But it never worked out and I felt like I was tripping over myself to see how fast I could self sabotage my life. But as the sun is coming up on the first day of 2013 I can look back and say "yes, I make some mistakes, but I have learned from them and I now have both of my feet on the ground, I am living with good intention and being true to myself not the image of me I was so busy creating, and I am ready to entertain the potential of good things happening in my life." So see here 2013 I’m not allowing hope that you will be a better year but the hope that I will be a better person.

Best wishes to you all. Stay well, stay warm and go hug someone.

Peace Y'all!

a yogi looks at 30

While I was away from my blog this past month I celebrated a long awaited rite of passage, I turned 30, finally! I’ve been waiting to be 30 since I was about 16, but that’s not what I want to write about. What I want to write about is my birthday meditation; every year on my birthday I sit down and make a collage of the things I want to manifest in the next year of my life. I’ve done this every birthday since I was 19 with the exception of 2 years. The first I had just been dumped (oh yes, 3 days before my birthday), and actually I made the collage but it was so full of heartbreak and wishing for my partner back that I tore it up. The second was this year, because of some life stuff and because my mother and baby sister and nephew were visiting I didn't have the time or the energy to make one. In fact after my family left I still felt too mired down to really think about what I wanted/needed this year. But when I told a good friend in confidence that I wasn't making one this year he told me to be patient and compassionate with myself, it didn't matter that I missed the actually day and that if I started my yearly practice that I’d probably find little of that peace I’m looking for. And my friend was right, of course.

I’m a very lucky woman; I have an amazing family and though they are all far away I have another great "village" (as in it takes a village...) family here in my tiny town, I have my best friend in the world who is 11 years old and still kicking it- my dog, and a loving partner. But what I’m most lucky for is my yoga and my studio. Currently I’m tearing the drop ceiling out of the studio and getting ready to tackle 2 big projects, the ceiling and the floor! So I’ve been putting a lot of my time and energy in the studio lately, so much so that when I thought about doing my birthday collage I felt really drawn to being in the studio. So I packed up my supplies and my dog and walked up there. It was beautiful outside to I propped the door open, put on a groovy playlist and dove it. I spent the afternoon soaking up a little of the good mojo I’d been putting into my physical sacred space and filling up my inner sacred space. I was able to turn that overly analytical part of my mind off for a few hours and let my deep emotions come up. What I found was that I quit hearing about the “stuff” I need from the outside world and what I already have inside me but maybe got lost while I was too busy in that outside world. And what was inside…

A strong home base of love, columns of strength from my yoga, school and studio, all the colors of the rainbow and my desire to express them, an inside that is pure, strong and listens and an outside that is playful and full of joy and inspiration. For as topsy-turvy as life can be and all the expectation I had of turning 30 that didn’t  pan out, I’m pretty darn happy with this one.