the balls of yoga

My job outside of being a yoga teacher and new Studio owner is a seasonal job in theater, throughout the summer technicians, designers and artisans trickle in and out. Recently, while greeting a returning designer he mentioned hearing of my buying a house and opening a yoga studio here in this tiny town (which I love), I confirmed this and said how happy I was with my home and how great the Grand Opening was. He also remarked that I must be very good with finances in order to have taken on two big expenses in such a short amount of time, I cackled a bit and said “no, no not at all! I’m a little nervous but I’ll figure something out.” I talked a little about my plan for the winter, when the tiny town and surrounding areas tighten their belts. He listened patiently and finally responded, “you’ve got balls!” and I guess, on a certain level he’s right. Though I think it has less to do with having balls than it does with having no fear, not in general because I do have fears but what I do not fear is failure and even more specifically, rock bottom.

See I’ve hit rock bottom; physically, emotionally and financially. I’ve always managed to pick myself up and start over. When I was very fortunate I had loved ones who helped me out but there were also times when I couldn’t seek help, for whatever reason I had to do it alone. I won’t go so far as to say that rock bottom is a good place to be or enjoyable but what it does offer in lessons, profound lessons, and growth. And the lessons I learned while crawling up from the abyss and the scars I’ve watched heal over as I grew back up again hold more weight and significance than almost any other experience I’ve had. So when the universe presented me with a home and then a month later a studio not for a second did I hesitate. I don’t know how my parents did it, I don’t remember any one thing they did or conversation we had that instilled in me the notion that I could do anything, but they did and for that I am so grateful.

When I first had the idea for Second Star it felt instantly right and that’s it. There was no sense of urgency or even importance, just right. Like getting home after work and taking off your work shoes and slipping into your favorite worn out slippers. Comfort and familiarity; that’s how Second Star felt. On some level I knew that I would get there, some time, somehow when it was right. So when I decided at the beginning of this year that I would let go of the steering wheel and listen to the universe it made sense that this was the year my life would fall into place. And THIS is one of the things I strive the hardest to portray to my yoga students. Let go, listen respect and you will get there.

When practicing yoga especially difficult asanas like inversions and arm balances if you follow those three steps you will get there. Let go: let go of it all; the ego, the idea of the final asana, the calculated plan of attack. Just be in the flow, trust that the effort you are making and the path that you are taking will get you there. Listen: to your body. You can feel when something is not right, there is a distinct difference in the sensation of discomfort and work that the sensation of pain. Your body will tell you when you’ve gone awry. Respect; give honor to where you are in your practice and where you are in your body. There’s no one way to reach the goal of asana and no matter how much further you have to go to “get there” doesn’t lessen your practice just the way it is. And I guess the last step would be to have balls, try standing on your head or balancing on your hands. How far do you have to fall? And trust me hitting the mat is a lot more comfortable than hitting rock bottom. The lessons however, very similar.