Why do I blog? This question has been popping up a lot his week. I’ve been cruising other blogs; a few yoga blogs specifically looking for inspiration, as well as a friend’s and friends of a friend’s in search of their under lying themes or…something! Then I got scared… I mean what if I’m only blogging out of some self centered desire for digital ego stroking?! Isn’t that what this whole blog-o-sphere is all about? People throwing up their opinions and commentaries on life as they know it, eagerly checking their entries several times a day to see how many comments have accumulated? It seems all so… I don’t know pointless? And then this happened:
I was driving home from a neighboring town with my dog, it’s a long 2 lane road surrounded by forest on one side and the odd house or farm store on the other. I had the back windows down for my pup because all the plants are starting to bud and she loves to stick her head out the window and take in all the new smells. From my side mirror I could see her black and white (and yes, slightly graying) face; her eyes were closed and I swear she was smiling. For a dog like mine the winter must be remarkably boring, everything good is buried under feet of snow that is cold on her paws and has no real scent. So these first few weeks of spring weather must be very exciting and from my position in the driver’s seat what I saw in the mirror could only be described as bliss.
And for some reason that stuck with me. I wanted to write about it or “blog” about it. And yes, I could have made a connection to finding out bliss in contentedness, my favorite yoga sutra actually “by contentment we gain ultimate joy.” But the whole situation felt much simpler than that; I didn’t want to teach that I just wanted to share it. And that’s when it hit me, that is how “teach” my classes. I’m not there to school my students in the ways of yoga I simply think it’s really cool and I want them to experience that coolness. My goal is not seeing a student master a difficult asana (though I am thrilled to the core when I do see it), my goal is walking with them on their journey. The goal is the practice, the practice is the yoga and that’s why I write; it’s a practice. My spiritual practice and when things like my dog sniffing the air at 60 miles an hour touch me so sincerely that I am moved to share it than no, I don’t think its ego driven. It’s just my way of saying “hey look at this cool way I found to feel connected and blessed by all the things around me. What are some of the ways you’ve felt that?” if you have some why don’t you share them.
Namaste!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
dude where's my practice?
When I started blogging I decided to set a goal of a blog a week. However I also promised myself that I wouldn’t post anything that wasn’t genuine, or in other words truthful. So here’s the truth; I slipped, I stumbled, I fell clean off my yogic path. I found my days getting filled with odds and ends type tasks and I couldn’t seem to “fit in” yoga. I wasn’t practicing physically and I surely wasn’t practicing mentally. I was letting myself get wrapped up in frustration and anger and even indulgence as well as letting my day planner (or lack of use of my day planner) keep me from finding time to practice asana. So what finally shook me up, well like it so often is, it was a student. A student asked me for some yoga books to take on vacation. I was so happy that my student wasn’t going to take a vacation from yoga but wanted yoga to be a part of the vacation. So of course I got a couple books from my collection and as I was flipping through one in particular that I found my practice again in the form of this quote:
“Act as if the future of the universe depends on what you do, while laughing at yourself for thinking your actions make any difference.” -Buddhist Advice
I’ve been doing neither! Acting like I was the only person in my own little universe and taking myself way to seriously. And then there was another quote:
“From Love all had come, and to Love all shall return.” -Tai Hiriya Upanishad
And that reminded me how simple it all is. If we simply move and act from Love than even when we mess up we can find forgiveness. Not very long ago I was in love with my yoga practice and living much more “authentically” and even though I stumbled I can go back to that place of love and I will make good decisions but I will make them for reasons much larger than my little life. And from here on out I will be a more genuine yogi.
“Act as if the future of the universe depends on what you do, while laughing at yourself for thinking your actions make any difference.” -Buddhist Advice
I’ve been doing neither! Acting like I was the only person in my own little universe and taking myself way to seriously. And then there was another quote:
“From Love all had come, and to Love all shall return.” -Tai Hiriya Upanishad
And that reminded me how simple it all is. If we simply move and act from Love than even when we mess up we can find forgiveness. Not very long ago I was in love with my yoga practice and living much more “authentically” and even though I stumbled I can go back to that place of love and I will make good decisions but I will make them for reasons much larger than my little life. And from here on out I will be a more genuine yogi.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Humbled
There is nothing more humbling than a crippling stomach flu, or so I’m learning. While in the middle of a really great phase of being crazy about my physically practice; loving what my body was becoming capable of, exploring new sequencing and gearing up for a month of challenging back bending classes, I’ve been ground to a screeching halt by sickness. I was so “in” my body, even loving the soreness I’d feel after a particularly intense practices and then I was suddenly not in my body. In fact whatever was “in” my body, my body wanted it OUT! Violently out. I felt muscles contract from deep within that I’m not sure I’ve ever felt before. And even though the worst lasted less than a day the healing is taking quite some time. After 3 days I’m still not able to eat a meal so my energy is very low and though the weather is warming I don’t have enough circulation to keep my hands and feet warm. But over all I’m not bad off and that is contributed directly to my yoga practice, but not the physical aspect. No, the lesson of sickness definitely comes on a philosophical one. And my lesson: be humble.
We cannot control everything; surrender, be humble. We cannot make time move faster or slower; surrender, be humble. We cannot always do it alone; surrender, be humble. We will stumble; surrender, be humble. Every one of these statements I have either bumped up against or run full speed square into it.
We cannot control everything. No, we can’t. I try to live a healthy lifestyle; I eat well, exercise and keep a regular sleep schedule. But sickness happens and no matter how healthy you are viruses are out there and one found me. I had to cancel 2 classes while I was sick because I couldn’t stand up straight. And as upsetting as that is to me I have to be ok with it. I have to respect what’s going on in my own body and give it time to repair itself. As well as have respect enough for my students not to infect them with a very uncomfortable illness. It was a situation I had to surrender too and instead of feeling angry feel humbled.
We cannot make time move faster or slower. I want to be better I want to eat a salad and a sandwich, and I want to do down dog but I’m not ready. I’m still healing and this healing process is taking this long. There’s not much I can do about it. But I can teach my classes and I can even walk my dog it just means that after wards I have to come home and eat a few saltines and take a nap. Slowly my routine is returning to normal but in the meantime I have to accept this as the slow part of the steam and go with the flow, surrender to the flow and be humbled by the speed.
We cannot always do it alone. This is a hard one. Why are we wired to think that not being able to do EVRYTHING alone is a sign of weakness? That’s setting us up for some serious feelings of failure. Even though asking for help could be seen as a triumph we condition ourselves to avoid it at all cost. I love helping people and I’ve gotten very good at helping people accept help but its taken years for me to be able to accept offers of kindness. So even while I’m sick I have to remind myself that it’s ok to let people bring me ginger ale and crackers or pick up my dog for a play date. Recently I moved to a small town and have begun to build a remarkable community network so there are plenty of people who have genuinely offered kindness and concern. They make it very easy to surrender to that kindness and very easy to feel humbled by their concern.
We will stumble. We will all stumble and at any point. Yesterday by the end of the day I felt pretty good so I attempted to eat something more substantial than a cracker. Mistake. I spent the night cramped up and the morning in a not so flattering digestive situation. We all make mistakes like that and even bigger mistakes with greater consequences but it’s ok. We often learn our most valuable lessons after stumbling and after falling. I remind my students of this whenever we practice arm balancing also that falling can be a cause for laughter not anger. If we let go and let the stumble happen and let the lessons come and let the healing begin our journey, whether it’s to optimum health or spiritual enlightenment, becomes easier even enjoyable and possibly shorter. Surrender to the path and be humbled by the missteps.
We cannot control everything; surrender, be humble. We cannot make time move faster or slower; surrender, be humble. We cannot always do it alone; surrender, be humble. We will stumble; surrender, be humble. Every one of these statements I have either bumped up against or run full speed square into it.
We cannot control everything. No, we can’t. I try to live a healthy lifestyle; I eat well, exercise and keep a regular sleep schedule. But sickness happens and no matter how healthy you are viruses are out there and one found me. I had to cancel 2 classes while I was sick because I couldn’t stand up straight. And as upsetting as that is to me I have to be ok with it. I have to respect what’s going on in my own body and give it time to repair itself. As well as have respect enough for my students not to infect them with a very uncomfortable illness. It was a situation I had to surrender too and instead of feeling angry feel humbled.
We cannot make time move faster or slower. I want to be better I want to eat a salad and a sandwich, and I want to do down dog but I’m not ready. I’m still healing and this healing process is taking this long. There’s not much I can do about it. But I can teach my classes and I can even walk my dog it just means that after wards I have to come home and eat a few saltines and take a nap. Slowly my routine is returning to normal but in the meantime I have to accept this as the slow part of the steam and go with the flow, surrender to the flow and be humbled by the speed.
We cannot always do it alone. This is a hard one. Why are we wired to think that not being able to do EVRYTHING alone is a sign of weakness? That’s setting us up for some serious feelings of failure. Even though asking for help could be seen as a triumph we condition ourselves to avoid it at all cost. I love helping people and I’ve gotten very good at helping people accept help but its taken years for me to be able to accept offers of kindness. So even while I’m sick I have to remind myself that it’s ok to let people bring me ginger ale and crackers or pick up my dog for a play date. Recently I moved to a small town and have begun to build a remarkable community network so there are plenty of people who have genuinely offered kindness and concern. They make it very easy to surrender to that kindness and very easy to feel humbled by their concern.
We will stumble. We will all stumble and at any point. Yesterday by the end of the day I felt pretty good so I attempted to eat something more substantial than a cracker. Mistake. I spent the night cramped up and the morning in a not so flattering digestive situation. We all make mistakes like that and even bigger mistakes with greater consequences but it’s ok. We often learn our most valuable lessons after stumbling and after falling. I remind my students of this whenever we practice arm balancing also that falling can be a cause for laughter not anger. If we let go and let the stumble happen and let the lessons come and let the healing begin our journey, whether it’s to optimum health or spiritual enlightenment, becomes easier even enjoyable and possibly shorter. Surrender to the path and be humbled by the missteps.
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