Gratitudes

It's been a few weeks since I was grateful. Not really I've actually been very grateful I just haven't blogged about it. So were are my 5 Gratitudes for this week:


1. My amazing Mother came to help me (ok she really did all) paint the apartment I just moved into. After all that time working on the studio the thought of picking up yet another paint brush or do anything that resembles renovation gave me the shakes. So Mom swooped in from Alabama and is currently spray painting the gnarliest kitchen hardware ever!


2. THE HEAT BROKE! It actually feels like Wisconsin again.



3. Happier about the weather than I am, my dog! She is even feeling a little frisky and instigating play with other dogs, you have to kow how stoic my dog is to be grateful for this so just take my word.


4. I am reading a great book. The Four Desires by Rob Stryker. Its really helping me keep perceptive during all this transition. I highly recommend it to anyone seeking more clarity about their life's future.


5. Prayer. No, no, no don't worry I'm not going to get all weird on you! It's My sanskrit teacher's fault really, she gave us an challenge to chant everyday for 10 days. I had completely forgotten how much I love this practice. I've been reciting mantras on walks, when I'm cooking, at the studio, before I go to bed, I've prayed more in the past 4 weeks than I ever did growing up in Catholic school.


Some of the prayers I've been reciting as mantra:

 The Gayatri Mantra:
OM BHOOR BHUWAH SWAHA,
TAT SAVITUR VARENYAM
BHARGO DEVASAYA DHEEMAHI
DHIYO YO NAHA PRACHODAYAT.

This Mantra has many translations here is one:
Oh God! Thou art the Giver of Life,
Remover of pain and sorrow,
The Bestower of happiness,
Oh! Creator of the Universe,
May we receive thy supreme sin-destroying light,
May Thou guide our intellect in the right direction.

The Santi Mantra (This is the one I painted in the studio)

 

The Serenity Prayer

Dear God, 

Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The Courage to change the things I can

And the Wisdom to know the difference 

Small Change

The signs of spring are showing; bit by bit the snow banks are receding, the calls of cranes are heard as they migrate back north and if you look closely at the tops of the trees you can see the faint haze of color like faded watercolors. The change is so gradual that we may not even take it in fully until one day we wake up and we’re surrounded by green. Not all change happens in this drawn out time line but many things do, especially the creative process.

I was recently listening to an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love about her arduous struggle to find the title for that book. She had finished the writing after many years and was tossing one bad title after another before the right one came along. In the interview she likened this process to a story she heard about Robert Frost and his writing of The Road Less Traveled, in her version of Frost’s tale he had been working long and hard on another poem, diligently toiling away day after day. Then one day he woke up sat down a t his desk and wrote, “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood…” and the rest is history. She said of Frost’s and her own struggle that finding that perfect fit was almost like a reward for all the work that came prior. Well, I hope so.

Since the start of the year I’ve redefined my “job” as far as yoga goes, thinking of myself less as Yoga Teacher and more as Studio Owner. My days start early, up to the studio with the sun to work in my new office upstairs at the studio. One may not think there’s much to be done to up there but the hours seem to fill rather efficiently; whether it’s advertising, an endless stream of email follow ups or the studio itself. It feels like the last four weeks have been packed with countless little “projects” on the building itself. Small things, changes I’m not really even sure anyone will notice so why do it. Maybe I’m holding out hope for that one golden nugget, like Ms. Gilbert and Mr. Frost got or maybe, for me there is no nugget to be had. After all the effort is the yoga.

Just like with asana we make tiny changes to our body’s posture, our teachers walking around pulling your arm a fraction of an inch. Are such minor adjustments really worth it? The short answer; yes. Yes, because it’s the tiny adjustments over time that make our practice move forward. Over time these small details line up sort of until one day we are deeper into an asana than we’ve ever been, or our feet are suddenly over our heads with no fear of gravity. I know these changes are there, whether it’s the new ceiling tiles I’ve been replacing or the longer spines my students show in Parsvokonasana (extended side angle). They may go unnoticed to most but the work is why we do this practice and just like the return of the cranes to the landscape, they can mark the beginning profound transformation.

small change

My friend believes in change, she has big thoughts and aspirations, she writes eloquently about politics and offers up ways to bring opposing sides together to create a greater good, a true peace. I admire her for this it is not something I am wired for. In fact my exact words to her where, “I’d really like to be the kind of person who called their representative and signed petitions but our system it just so broken that it doesn’t do any good.” And the moment after the sentence landed out there in the ether of our discussion I felt a little broken hearted, I had just said out load that I had no faith. Have I given up on humanity, have I become so discouraged by our government that I have given up on positive change happening for people; red, blue or otherwise color coded. I left our brief conversation at the breakfast table and headed off to my studio to dust away cobwebs and mop the floor for a restorative class that evening. As I swept and tidied I pondered my friend’s belief in the system and her unwavering belief that we can change the government and what exactly am I doing to bring about good things and then I went up stairs. Standing in the loft and looking out over the studio I was washed over with a feeling of love and I thought to myself “I hope this feeling never goes away, I hope to always be overwhelmed by this place,” this place that has so much of my spirit in it this place that I created with the hopes of creating a very small change. The kind of change that happens inside of someone, a small shift on a very deep level that can then trickle out into the world. It’s like this:

The other day my friend and I were driving through a shopping center. We stopped to let a couple cross in the cross walk, it was a shortish balding man with a little beer belly pushing a wheelchair with a woman (assumed to be his wife) in it, both carry armfuls of shopping bags and smiling and laughing with their entire beings. We watched and smiled back and I commented on how happy they must be about life right now and my friend said how that made her day and her smile. And all they were doing was shopping and being together but their happiness affected us and brought us happiness, joy you might even say.

That story came back as I pushed the mop around my studio making ready for my student to come that evening and to hopefully leave a little happier, or peaceful or contented. That is the kind of change I have faith in, small change within our community and among the people you encounter everyday. Just imagine what kind of happiness you could inspire if you decided to smile for day, or what if you practiced peace for a day or non-judgment or compassion. All of these are principles I offer up to my student and I haven’t mastered all of them, I’m still on a journey just like they are. But what I sincerely hope is that within this place they can feel all that love I feel and that they can feel supported and safe enough to find their own bliss and maybe share that bliss, even if it comes only in the form of a smile.