The Value of Yoga

Ask any yoga teacher why they teach yoga and I bet you the answer is not, “for the money.” However being a yoga teacher you are providing a service, you are proving knowledge in a safe and comfortable environment and therefore you are not wrong to ask for an exchange; whether it is money, trade, or even fresh veggies and farm eggs, of which I personally and gladly accept as payment!

But lately I’ve been struggling with this concept of “getting paid” for yoga. Just like I did when I began my training as a massage therapist. For me being a nurturer is simply a part of who I am, I really do want to help everyone feel better, safer and more comfortable in the world and in themselves. My massage instructor put it like this, “It is an exchange of energy. You are giving energy to a person and you have the right to receive energy in return. You can decide what and how to receive that energy.”  So what is enough? A hug? Ten dollars? Sixty? The piece of mind knowing you helped someone in need? And right now I have come to the uncomfortable conclusion that I no longer know. I can no longer feel what feels right about accepting energy for my teaching. I don’t want it to be money but I have bills to pay.

I am a “modern yogi.” I don’t live at an ashram or in a mountain cave, I live in the world. I have rent to pay, groceries to buy, heat and water bills. So when life in the real world gets hard I start to fret about things like dwindling class sizes and the value of time and no shows. When my mind goes there my yoga stops being about teaching and the exchange of energy and it becomes a job. And that is exactly what I do not want my yoga to be.

So now what? Can I, self proclaimed, queen of happy mediums find a comfortable compromise? Am I willing to fall back into the hustle of self promotion and studio advertising? That all seems very businesslike to me and exhausting. In fact last year I burned out completely doing all that and stopped teaching for a while. Maybe I started back too soon, maybe I started back the wrong way. Operating in a pattern already proved wrong.

So I’m reevaluating and shifting my perspective. When I opened my studio years ago it was a place dedicated to building Community and for a while it was amazing! A place where people of my tiny town came together, where we shared and celebrated each others gifts and talents and it truly was a beautiful exchange of energy. I think now is the time to get back to that. Actually, I know it is and that means making some changes. Some terrifying and some exciting but it is time. Community is my home.

Recently, while crying in a friends arm chair, he told me that he looks to me for inspiration. He said that he is learning as part of his own journey how important Community is and that I was his example of how that can be created. I was flattered but could not see through myself doubt enough to believe him. Now I can see it. Being a yoga teacher is not my job; my job is to build a Community with yoga as the center piece, the glue that holds people in need of a healthy energy exchange together.

And that, I can do.

The Yoga of Popehood

I don’t know what it really means for the Catholic Church that the Pope has decided to step down but for the Pope I say “well done, sir.” 

When Pope John Paul II died even my long lost recovering Catholic heartstrings were tugged. But mostly it was my yogi heart that leapt in awe and admiration. For someone to be so close to God and so aware of their body to know the moment of death was coming and to call upon the members of his Community (Church in the case) and basically tell them he’s going and to please prepare for that, because he understood the responsibility he had, he understood the importance  his role in his Community was. And also to know the moment his soul was ready to leave his body and ask for his last rights, one final blessing before leave his earthly body. That’s pretty darn amazing!

 

I may not be a god fearing yogi but I have the utmost respect for the position of the Papacy. (even though I think the word papacy sounds really really silly).

So the death of John Paul II, or as my devout Catholic friend calls him JP2, got my thinking about strong connection to spirit and the parallels between devout religion and devout yogis. I’ve always been kind of a stickler when it came to arguing that yoga IS NOT a religion, the scorned ex-Catholic rears her ugly head. But actually that argument came from a more vulnerable place inside me, it came from a place of having a very devout Southern Baptist father and trying desperately to explain that the only thing that made it able for me to accept the idea of any greater being: God, the universe, the divine spirit whatever!, was yoga. Yoga is not a religion it is a way of life, it is a path that leads you to connection with god without naming that god. After being baptized and raised in a monotheistic religion I had a hard time giving ONE name to a supreme deity. Yoga made it ok for me not to name it. Yoga made it ok for me to have faith without know exactly what in. Yoga made it ok for me to pray without directing that prayer to anything specific. So the death of John Paul II inspired me to be a better yogi and to dive into the murky water I know faith and find the relationship with my ex faith and my new way of being in yoga. And then my dog took off after a rabbit on our morning walk and I got distracted. Oops.

So when I heard the news of Pope Benedict abdicating it drug up some of this dialogue I had going with myself that I had forgotten about. Yeah, sure it was a very philosophical/important conversation but honestly the emotion I found coming up even more was from that scared and scarred little girl who had to fight for her freedom. Who fought so long and so hard that learning to ask for help was the biggest and most difficult lesson I ever had to learn. And so when this man stood up with full knowledge of the weight and gravity of his position, his leadership and life and said, and I paraphrase,  “I can’t do this, you need someone stronger than me” I was again in awe of the Pope. Say what you will about the Catholic Church and its scandals and propaganda but I won’t, that’s not what this blog is about. This blog is about yoga and how it works its way into my daily life and when Pope Benedict stood there and made that announcement he was the embodiment of a yogi. He knew that Church needed someone to lead and to be a clear minded strong leader and he knew he couldn’t do that. So he did the bravest thing I know, he surrendered. And he did it not because he was defeated but because he wanted his church, the institute of his faith, to be lead by someone that can give their all. And as any yogi teacher will tell you that is the hardest lesson to teach a student; not to go passed their limit, not to test their body to the point of breaking.  To know that being a “good” yogi means not causing harm, not only to those around you but to yourself.

The last thing I can think of to say about the Papal resignation is they controversy that I can only assume has been created by the news organizations about what will happen where there are 2 sitting popes. Well there won’t be 2 Popes, there will be one. The one Pope that the Cardinals elect to the Papacy and Pope Benedict will spend his last days in prayer communing with the God that he has served faithfully. Just like the yogis that go into the hills and meditate in communion with god. So maybe I should pick up that conversation I started having all those years ago because no matter how I feel about the Catholic Church, its politics, or its controversy, that Pope guy is a pretty awesome yogi.

15 minute writing exercise blog….GO!

I just set the timer for 15 minutes. It’s a writing exercise where you just start writing whatever comes out, no editing, no going back and reading what you wrote. I’m doing this because I have not been blogging, hell I haven’t even been writing and I used to LOVE to write. I used to love seeing the world and making my observations and keeping journals full of thought meanderings and doodles and lyrics and all kinds of stuff. Writing is a practice just like yoga. And when you fall off the wagon, when you get out of your routine it’s hard to get back on. Sometimes, if it’s a minor blip, I can just chill out and rest and wait for the inspiration to come back, but not this time. I’ve been waiting, and waiting, and waiting….oh yeah and napping. But nothing’s coming back. I sit and stare at the little blinking cursor, I even have ideas about what I want to write about but nothing, just blinking pixels mocking my existence, my (what I once thought of as) talent. I used to think I was a good writer, sure my spelling and grammer are atrocious but I have spell just for that and grammar well I can write that off as my southern charm right? But lately it’s just a wash of………nothing. So I’m trying this little writing experience to see if I can get my juices flowing. I’m starting here with one public stream of conscious rant for all the cyber world to enjoy or not. And then I’ll take a little more disciplined path of writing. I’ll work at it. I’ll actually view this blog as an occupation, sort of occupation, no, not occupation. Practice. Like I said earlier, a practice. I will just sit and write of 15minutes a day about whatever comes into my little yoga brain. And I will reset my neuropathways, I will be a writer.

But why, why does this blog seem important to me? I don’t expect to get well known, I’ll never be a David Sedaris or….well insert the name of a blogger turned author here. But it does feel important to me. Maybe it’s because I’ve never found a blog about yoga that I like, because maybe I feel like yoga is just taken to damn seriously way too often. Sure it’s serious but it doesn’t have to read like a technical manual or a new age book promising the ultimate embrace by the Lord or Goddess or Universe or whatever! Sometimes yoga is just there, it’s just a part of us. Like the two by fours holding up our houses, it’s just the frame from which I choose to se my word. “Pause, build the foundation of your asana” I say that a lot. I guess I mean it. I guess I don’t think I need to be hit over the head with my yoga, or even told that my yoga has lofty potential. No. I just want to be reminded that yoga is there, always, every breath I take, every decision I make, ever stupid joke or pun I say and all the sacred giggles or eye rolls that follow. 

Yeah, I guess I blog because I need it. I need to remind myself about how I see yoga and I choose to make it public because that’s how I am. I share everything with my Community and even the tiny things I share sometimes find the right ears. It’s not why I blog but its part of it. Just me meandering around my brain and sharing it with a broader Community.

Ok 15 minutes up. Time to spell check!

Good Links

Ok Yogis, I have a few good blogs in the works for you but right now I'm up to my 3rd eye in yogic cramming for my oral final on Saturday. Am I worried? not really but I REALLY like my teachers and I want them to be proud of me so I've been focusing more on my studies than my observation of daily life. As far as "off the mat and into life..." it's all mat all the time! So when I get back to my life I'll get some blogs up about the two.

In the meantime however here are a few of my favorite yoga and yoga lifestyle-ish websites that I dig and sometimes visit when I need a study break.

Foat Designs: This is a small independent business run buy the Foat sisters, two rockin' yogis who reign supreme in the upcycling, save the planet with good fashion realm. I  met them a few years ago at a yoga conference and picked up a pair of custom leg warmers for in between workshops to keep warm.

Heart Of The Sky Fair Trade: Y'all know I live in a tiny town in Wisconsin and how much I love my tiny town and the amazing Community here. Heart of the Sky is run by one of the amazing women in the amazing Community, Melinda. Melinda takes trips to Guatemala where she cultivates relationships with women's co-ops and small family businesses, she pays them fair market value for the goods and brings them back to sell not only to promote these women's and family's talents and business but also to help raise awareness for the Network in Solidarity With The People Of Guatemala.

Daily Cup of Yoga: DCY is a great blog (that actually updates regularly) the life and styles of yoga.

Joyful Belly:  If you are a reader of this blog you notice that I mention Ayurveda pretty regularly. If you are curious about Ayurveda or are a follower of the Ayurvedic lifestyle and looking for some good resources this is the place to check out!

Ok readers it's back to the books for me. I promise new and exciting things when I return as a dually certified yoga teacher. 

Yoga Nugget

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.  I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live.  ~George Bernard Shaw

Yogic Lent

The vow that binds too strictly snaps itself. ~Alfred Lord Tennyson

Good ex-catholic that I am I still remember the big stuff; Christmas…oh, well just Christmas and oddly enough Lent. And to be completely honest I think I just remember Lent because of Mardi Gras. You don’t grow up a stone’s throw from Mobile, Al (the actual birthplace of Mardi Gras) and a hop, skip, and jump from there over to New Orleans (Mardi Gras central) without knowing when Fat Tuesday is, the feast before the famine, a.k.a. Ash Wednesday and Lent.

When I was a young little thing in Catholic school I remember diligently trying to think of something to give up for Lent, something that would be “big enough” to impress my teachers but not so big that I suffered all too much. I guess even back then I took issue with causing suffering for the sake of causing suffering.

Disclaimer: I do actually fully understand the reasoning behind the Lenten period, I just don’t agree with it and this is my blog and my history so I can be as snarky as I want. I have been removed from the Catholic Church longer than I was ever a part of it, I have no beef with them and I think, at its core, it is a beautiful religion. It’s just not for me.

After I left the Catholic school of my youth and before I found yoga I was floundering around eastern religions and philosophies as well as pagan rituals blended with Native American spirituality. I was lost and craving faith, trying on religions like shoes and walking in them for a few miles, or scooping in pieces of beliefs into a bowl like a baker in search of the perfect cookie recipe; praying for a sweet, fulfilling morsel of God that left me wanting more. But nothing worked and really that’s another blog all together, I bring it up because throughout all this searching I still clung to some of my Catholic tendencies. I went to Mass every now and again to feel a little peace and see people connecting with their Community and with God, in times of stress I would go light candles and say a prayer or meditate in the pews, I even said my mantras on rosary beads. So while I still appreciated some of the rituals Catholicism offered I still could never get my head wrapped around Lent. So I tweaked it.

I decided that instead of suffering for 40 days that we should do something good for 40 days. I asked my Mother is she wanted to get up and walk with me every morning for 40 days, I donated a dollar a day for 40 days to my favorite charity, I tried to kick start a real meditation practice by meditation every day for 40 days, or a simple as I made sure I hugged someone everyday for 40 days. So how about it?

It doesn’t have to be anything profound or grand but do you think for 40 days you could do one positive thing a day. Either for your health, or for your family or Community, or maybe for your mind; allow yourself 10 minutes a day with that book that’s been sitting by your bed of months, planning your spring garden, do a little yoga… For me I’m filing this year’s Lenten promise under “mindfulness.” I’m getting ready to go back to yoga school in April so I want to be in a good place mentally and physically so I’m stepping up my mindfulness about my practice. Are here times when I could be practicing but am not? Just how much do I let my mind wander when I’m on the mat? What really is the best time of day for me to start a meditation regime? I’m not binding myself to an unobtainable goal only to beat myself up when I fall short of it, nope this year I’m just stepping up my game. A little extra awareness to get me over my February hump of Seasonal Affectation Disorder Disease and general malaise and move me into a coming Spring celebration. And as for that whole recipe thing, I’m getting closer to the perfect bite!

the UN-shopper

Ok, at the beginning of the year a made a vow not to buy anything new; no new clothes, no new kitchen gadgets, nothing, just food and I left the option of getting new pair of running shoes in because I thought I’d get some for x-mas but I didn’t so I need to get new one. I didn’t make this vow really as a big statement or to have something to blog about, I did it for me. I was plum exhausted this holiday season, thinking about family and friends and then the new (partner’s) family I met over at Thanksgiving. I just lost enthusiasm and then I put up an art show, well an art exhibit where I actually made a ton of stuff! So maybe I was just feeling like a super crafter. But I like the effects it’s having on me, for example I shop a lot at Goodwill already, I support their ways of helping less fortune people and their emphasis on Community, so I can justify going there to buy my yoga clothes. Also using craigslist for kitchen things and such; my studio is lousy with craigslist finds, everything from my fancy desk to the benches dividing the Yoga floor from the Gallery not to mention the hand me down privacy screens, handmade curtains (old bed sheets if you are curious) and custom made by a friend storage crates (to match the craigslist benches I found that were made by a local unemployed young man trying to make ends meet). I like craigslist because the money goes right to a person, not I big company or someone running a business buying and selling goods rather like eBay. For that reason as well I’ve allowed myself to keep Esty an option since I feel good about supporting hand crafted fares, though you have to be a little careful on Etsy to, there are some businesses lurking under the guise of starving crafters. So without further ado, for the month of January here’s how I’ve done:

2 birthday cards

1 pair of Smart Wool leggings

Here’s how I feel about that. Starting with the cards, I’m not beating myself up about for 2 reasons. First I bought them from our local General Store, where I now the owner her stance as a business and what a vital commodity she provides to our Community so I’m ok with where that money ended up. Second these were January birthdays I was smack in the middle of getting my art show up, I was to put it mildly drained of all creative juices. But it’s always been a little fantasy of mine to make gift cards and postcards using unique photography and paper sewing. So hopefully I can get it in gear for my February birthdays.

Now the leggings which I bought because I was cold, I was cold and I have lost 2 pair of yoga pants which normally serve as my under gear in the winter. Now my (lost) yoga pants are cotton, which any native from winter climates will tell you does nothing to keep you warm below freezing temperature and wind. How true, how true. So in a moment of weakness and really a moment of hope for warm legs I bought some Smart Wool tights. Now people swear by Smart Wool socks so I thought I was making an investment, though I won’t say how much they were trust m eon the investment part, in my winter comfort especially since I have succeeded in only using my feet and bike as winter transportation. Well what it turns out I got are very cute, somewhat itchy undergarments that are not the least bit wind proof. So the lesson it seems is that with me and clothes I should really stick to good will, at least then if it’s a flop I’m only out a few bucks.

So why a shopper’s, or un-shopper’s, guide on my yoga blog, well for me it’s about being mindful and not giving into impulse. Which is exactly a yoga practice, an asana practice or a philosophy. Mindfulness and training ourselves to not be run by our ego and impulses but to recognize