Venus

Venus is out tonight, well Venus is out every night, but from my desk in the cabin I can see her perfectly as I work at the computer. When I was little I had this same view out my bedroom window. Had my alter under that window but I don’t really know it was an alter then, just like I didn’t know that when I was staring up at Venus and asking questions and sending out my wishes that I was praying. So often when I look back on my childhood and growing up I did a lot of things that were sacred before I knew they were sacred. I think maybe I’ve always had a natural pull towards the…well maybe you could call it the divine, but before I had a language for it I just knew it was bigger. Bigger than me and bigger than the religion they taught me about in Catholic School. 

If I was my younger self staring out of my old bedroom window right now what would I be praying to Venus for? Probably the things a young girl does; love, understanding, confidence. Not to dissimilar than how I am feeling now. I pray for my love, my sad little heart, that it will heal and be able to love again and to acknowledge and appreciate all the love I have surrounding me. I pray for understanding because we all want to be understood but we can’t walk around with a running commentary we just have to have faith that our actions speak to our good nature and know that the people that really matter will understand us and that those that do not, well, it’s not that they don’t matter it that we can’t hold people in the wrong for their interpretation of events. And I’d pray for confidence but really it think this is just me praying for love again. If I love myself for who I am with all my attributes than I will have confidence. A deep peaceful assurance that I am living the best version of me I can. 

My mind right now is not much different than a swirling atmosphere. Like a nebulous just waiting to burst and form stars. It’s really just chaos and in that chaos you can get distracted by all the flying matter and you can also step away, light years away, and see the pattern, see the beauty of stars being born, maybe even a universe, maybe a planet. Maybe that’s how Venus was born.